If you pick at it ...it will bleed - A lesson on consequences

"If you keep picking at it, it will bleed!" These wise words came from my father many years ago. I was probably about 8 or 9 and I had a hangnail that I kept picking at. My father must have been watching me do this for a while because he said this without even looking up from his newspaper. I've always remembered this quote from him and until recently I never really knew why it stayed with me. You see it's all about consequences. Now I am not staying that my father meant this quote to become a life lesson; I am sure he just was telling me to quit picking at the hangnail! At the time I didn't think that this was going to be a teachable moment for me...but now 33 years I relate it to life's choices and consequences.

When I was younger my attitude was let me have fun now and reap the consequences later. Surprisingly, that never really worked out because some consequences have lasting effects. This is a lesson that I try to teach my daughters. The decisions they make now can directly affect their future, positively or negatively. So they must choose wisely! As they get older they both have started taking more control over the decisions they make...and reluctantly I have stepped back. As their mother I am there for guidance and support ALWAYS but I want them to know that ultimately they are in charge of their future.

"Parents can only give good advice or put their children on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." Anne Frank

Believe me, it's not easy especially when my 21 year old daughter asks me to make a decision for her. When I hear the indecisiveness in her voice I am almost ready to tell her what to do or worst do it for her. But then I remember she has to be responsible for her own choices. So I listen patiently as she weighs her pros and cons and eventually makes her decision with very little input from me. Do I always agree with her choice? Not always. But I have learned that it's her life and therefore, it's her choice to make. Although, Cookie who is only 14 still needs me to make some decisions for her she has begun to think about how the choices she does make will affect her life now and in the future.

So thanks daddy for that funny little piece of advice many years ago! Who knew it would help me become a better mother to my girls.

Educating, Inspiring and Empowering Our Girls!

As a mother of two daughters I know the importance of teaching girls how to love themselves unconditionally. Did you know that 7 out of 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, their performance in school or their relationships with their families and friends? When I read this statistic it made me wonder just when do our girls lose their self-confidence? When do they go from little girls who do not have a care in the world filled with confidence and self-esteem to girls who are filled with self-doubt who do not love what they see when they look in the mirror? According to The National Report on the State of Self-Esteem, the self-esteem tipping point happens during the transition to teenage years. These years are the most crucial for girls; this is when they stop communication with us - the adults in their lives.

I saw this first hand when my oldest daughter was making this transition...she went from a little girl who would come home everyday and tell me everything that happened in school from first to last period, to a teenager who trusted and confided more in her friends then in me. Now that she is a young adult we are back to the relationship we had when she was younger, but we missed out on some important communication during those teenage years. What is very interesting is that most girls wish to have open and frequent conversations with their parents - but sometimes they don't know how or are not sure what our reactions will be to what is going on in their lives.

Educating, inspiring and empowering young girls to love themselves unconditionally has become one of my biggest passions. I believe in the importance of empowering our girls and helping them build the strength needed to deal with the many challenges they will face in life. It is because of this passion that I started I Love Me Unconditionally, a mentoring program to help girls build healthy, positive self images.

I recently posted about stepping out on faith and following what I believe to be God's purpose for my life. So using my role as a mother and my background as an educator I started the I Love Me Unconditionally mentoring program for girls and I am proud to say that this summer we will be having our very first I Love Me! Summer Camp where girls will participate in fun activities while building a strong sense of self esteem and of course celebrating all that is fabulous about being a girl!

I am so excited about this new endeavor and I believe that if I can help just one girl learn to love themselves unconditionally then I know that I am fulfilling God's purpose for my life!

Celebrating all that is fabulous about being a mom and a woman!

We are amazing aren't we? Mothers have a certain kind of resilience that allows us to cope with the small inconveniences of life as well as the major catastrophes. I love being a mom and although there have been times during my 21 years of motherhood that I believed I wasn't so good at it....I know now that I rock as a mother to my girls! That's right, I am tooting my own horn! Why shouldn't I? My girls are healthy, happy and loved! I didn't say I am a perfect mother but to my girls I am and that is all that counts! Have I made mistakes at this job along the way...sure! Was it always easy....nope! Was it all worth it...as I watch them grow into strong, confident and beautiful young women I say....ABSOLUTELY!

It took me a while, but I learned to find a healthy balance between being a mother and being a woman. I learned to make time for my girls but to also make time just for me. Sometimes we put so much time into making sure that our children are taken care of that we forget to take care of ourselves. I learned that being a mother means that at times I have to temporarily put aside my needs in order to provide for my girls but my needs MUST be meet eventually. From the first day that I became a mother I loved my girls unconditionally! But when I learned to love myself unconditionally I became a better mother!

So ladies if you know that you are doing your best at this beautiful thing called motherhood while still finding time to take care of you then lift your glass and celebrate all that is fabulous about being a mom and a woman!

Happy Mother's Day!

#2, #4, #8 and 911!

These past few days have been very eventful and I got a lot of things accomplished that were on my spring break to-do list.

On Tuesday, I finally cleaned out that top drawer of my nightstand and even found a pair of sunglasses I thought I lost last summer (#2 clean out the top drawer of the nightstand) I got in a little “me” time and went to the hairdresser to get my new spring do and I even got a little bargain shopping done for myself. (#8 have a little “me” time)

On Wednesday, my bff and I took our daughter’s out for lunch at a Hibachi restaurant and then went for some yummy frozen yogurt! (oh, yeah and my bff had a dangerously severe allergic reaction to the seafood we ate and we had to call 911 and rush her to the emergency room…but that is a whole other post)

Yesterday, we went to the city and met my oldest daughter Shay for dinner. It is always so good to see her!
(#4 spend some quality girl time with my daughters)

Today is Good Friday and all I plan to do is relax and thank God for sacrificing his only son in order for me to have such an abundant life.

Enjoying Every Last Minute!

One day this week my daughter and I were in Target, as I passed the swimsuit aisle I started complaining about not being able to wait for this school year to end and summer vacation to begin. I expected my daughter to strongly agree but instead she said, “I don’t want to rush the year mommy because that would mean my freshman year will be over and I want to enjoy every last minute of my high school years.” Wow, this from a 14 year old. We have always told her not to be in a rush to grow up and to enjoy every experience that life has to offer. Guess I need to take my own advice.

So I began to think about all the moments in my life that I constantly rush through. I can’t count the times I have said, "I can’t wait for Friday", and it was only Monday! Or when I asked a colleague, "how many more days until Spring Break?"(15), or when I felt a wave of disappointment on Sunday evening because I knew that Monday was right around the corner. My daughter helped me to realize that instead of longing for the next future thing to happen, I need to embrace what is happening in that very moment. Oh, did I mention that my daughter is AMAZING!

Enjoy your weekend friends! I know I will…every last minute of it!

To tat or not to tat, that is the question!

When my daughter Shay turned 18 she got a tattoo mainly because since she was 16 she wanted one and I wouldn’t let her! I didn’t understand why in the world she would want to write all over her body. So of course as soon as she was 18 and could pay for it on her own she got her first tattoo and a year later she got 2 more. Oh, my sweet rebellious daughter.

But now just a few years later I too… dare I say… want a tattoo. It all began the summer of 2008 while vacationing in Cancun, Mexico. My family and I stumbled upon a booth where I spotted a local man designing a henna tattoo on a tourist. I was intrigued and found myself drawn to the booth and within a half an hour my youngest daughter Cookie and I both had henna tattoos on our ankles. Hers displaying a butterfly and mine had my hubby's name in an adorable heart. I remember lying on the lounge chair by the pool admiring my little henna tat and thinking this is so freakin’ cute! Fast-forward to every vacation since then where I find myself searching for the local on every beach who could hook me up with a temporary tat on my ankle.

However, recently I have been thinking a lot about replacing the henna with, ink thus making this vacation ritual a more permanent souvenir. There is just something about that little design on my ankle that makes my little summer outfits just a little cuter. I am sure that Shay will get a big laugh out of this one if I really decide to go through with it. I could just hear her in a sarcastic voice asking me why would I want to write on my body.

Anyway, I am not sure if I will really do it but it is definitely on my bucket list. What do you think ladies… should I go for it or just stick to my annual henna fix?

Cookie getting her first henna in Mexico

The Celebration

To celebrate my daughter’s 21st birthday my bff and I planned a girls’ getaway in Atlantic City! We had a blast! We shopped, ate, gambled, had lots of laughs, even went clubbing!!! Yup! I went to a club with my daughter and we had so much fun!

It is very hard for me to put into words how special this weekend was for us. So I will just leave you with a picture!

Today she's 21!

21 years ago today at exactly 10:11PM I became a mother for the very first time. At 20 years young I brought my oldest daughter into the world with no meds and a whole lot of awkward and uncontrolled pushing. She came into this world kicking and screaming! Now that I think about it since birth she has wanted to be the center of attention!

As a young mother she and I had to grow up together. Although she learned from me, having her taught me so much. For example, as I was potty training her she was teaching me how to be patient and when I had to pass on those after work parties she taught me about responsibility. When I had to make difficult decisions on her behalf she taught me to be an advocate. Oh yeah and the time she took a whole jar of Vaseline and covered herself in it from head to toe then rolled around on the brand new light blue sofa and then proceeded to watch TV like nothing...yeah that time she taught me about tolerance!

It is so true that motherhood does not come with a manual and I am a perfect example because honestly, at some points through those teenage years I felt like a complete failure as a mother. But I am thankful for each and every one of those 21 years, the happy times and the not so happy times that have made us both grow into the women we are today. You see she and I have a special connection, we have a type of unconditional love that only a mother and daughter can share!

So today my little girl is 21! I know for her this probably means that now she could have her first drink (yeah, who I am kidding) and go to a 21 and over club. But to me it’s bittersweet…it means that my baby is no longer a baby but I know that we will continue to learn from each other for many years to come!

Happy Birthday Beautiful!

Stay tuned next week for......The Celebration!

A Message to My Daughters

Hi Ladies,

How many of you have kissed some frogs before finding your prince? I know I did! Although I must admit that some of those frogs helped me to love and appreciate my prince, I only wish that I could save my daughters from some of the heartbreaks I experienced. When I read this quote I knew it was exactly the message I want to send to my daughters. I want them to know that they NEVER have to settle for less than what they deserve. They ARE princesses and they deserve a prince..... not a frog! So here is a message to my daughters.....

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'"
~ anonymous

Loving you unconditionally,

Mommy