Learning to Practice What I Preach

Remember in October when I posted Taking Care of the Girls? Well, after I had my yearly mammogram I received a phone call less than an hour later telling me that I needed to come back and retest one of my breasts because they saw "something". Something like what?, I asked the nurse. "A dense area that wasn't there last year", she replied. "It could be breast tissue but we just want to be sure", she added. Immediately panic set in. I could feel my heart racing. Then she said, "the next available appointment isn't until the 14th @1:30. Oh, that is 2 weeks away! I thought to myself. If they thought it was an emergency they would have made the appointment sooner. Right?

I called my hubby right after I hung up and he told me not to worry and reassured me that everything was going to be okay and maybe I should ask for an earlier appointment. But I didn't want an earlier appointment. Everything was going to be okay. Right?

Then I spoke to my bff who told me that same thing had happened to her a few years ago and it turned out to be nothing. Okay. Maybe I am panicking for nothing.

Then I spoke to another woman who said sometimes she thinks they call you back just for the insurance to pay for another mammogram. Really? I would hate to think that was true but it could be. Right?

By the time the week of the appointment came around I had completely talked myself out of going. I convinced myself that it was nothing to worry about and that I would eventually reschedule the appointment for a time that was more convenient for me. Sounds crazy I know.

So the morning of the appointment I got dressed for work and decided that I would call the office and cancel the appointment when I got in. However, on my way to work my hubby sent me a text and it read, "Are you taking a half-day?" I couldn't believe it... he never remembers ANYTHING. He didn't mentioned the appointment last night so I figured he'd forgotten the date. I innocently replied.."No. I am going to reschedule for another day so I don't have to take time from work." Before I even hit send I knew that was the most ridiculous excuse I had ever heard. I have taken days off to do nothing important and now all of a sudden I am Miss Workaholic! The truth is I was scared. Scared of possibly getting bad news. Scared of hearing that maybe everything WASN'T going to be alright.

Then the phone rang and before I could say hello I heard my hubby sternly yet lovingly say, "you have to go TODAY, I'll leave early and come with you if you want me to". "No, I will be fine". I said.

I knew he was right, I had to go.

And I did.

Before I walked into the doctor's office I sat in the parking lot and prayed through tears. The nurse showed me the x-ray and pointed out the small nodule-like image that was causing concern. Then she proceeded to take four quick and very uncomfortable pictures. While I sat in the waiting room while she took the pictures to the doctor to review I flipped through at least 2 People Magazines trying to think positive thoughts. About 10 minutes later I could hear her footsteps walking back to the waiting room. She walked in and sat down. "Good news," she said. "Your breast is healthy. The image was breast tissue that overlapped when the first mammogram was done. This happens sometimes....but we have to retake to be sure." And all I could say was, "Thank you Lord!"

As I drove home I thought about how this whole story could have ended differently but thankfully it didn't. I thought about how I almost didn't go and take care of myself because I was afraid. How ironic is it that I am always telling other women they have to put themselves first and there I was ignoring my health because of fear. Not really practicing loving myself unconditionally, huh? I guess sometimes it's not that easy to practice what you preach. But I am going to work on that.

I thank God for my hubby who gave me some tough love on the phone that day I think that is what I needed. Mostly, I thank God for hearing my cry and for always loving me unconditionally even when I am not loving myself.