Loving Him "As Is"

When women love we love unconditionally and while this is a good quality when in a relationship it can be difficult to always do. How so? Loving someone unconditionally means that you love someone regardless of their qualities or actions. In other words you love them "As Is".

Let's say you meet you a man who has almost all the qualities that you desire. However, you like him so much you are willing to overlook a small minor flaw in his character or a habit that you are not fond of. What happens when you can't ignore those qualities anymore? Should you attempt to (dare I say)....try to change them?

Now trying to change anyone can be a difficult task....trying to change a man is almost impossible. One thing that I have learned is that most men don't respond to subtle hints they need to be told exactly what is on our mind. If when you meet your husband and he wasn't a "romantic take you to dinner and give you flowers kind of guy" chances are he is not going to turn into one over the years. However, if that is something you need now in your relationship there is nothing wrong with telling him.

No matter how long you are in a relationship you should never take for granted that he knows how you feel or what you need. You see I think that since men don't hesitate to say what they want or how they feel they assume we do the same and the truth is most of us don't. Why not? Well, for me sometimes I want him to figure it out on his own but unfortunately it doesn't always work that way so then I just have to say it and he respects that.

Now there are certain things about our men that although we may not love we would never change because it makes them who they are. We all have flaws. I know I have a few that my husband has graciously learned to accept or ignore. Loving him "As Is" doesn't mean we shouldn't speak up when our needs are not being met or when we are unhappy about something in our relationship. It means we love our men enough to tell them how we feel in hopes that they love us enough to listen and and try to change on their own.

The Art of the Compromise

A healthy marriage is all about sacrifice and compromise.

Compromise is when two or more people come to a mutual decision so that ultimately each party receives some satisfaction. In marriage compromising could mean you really want to go to the Lobster House for dinner and he really wants to go to the Steak House so you find a really great surf and turf restaurant or you want to watch that new movie on Lifetime and he really wants to watch the game so you let him watch the game and you set the DVR to tape your movie. That’s compromise!

Sacrifice is a whole other thing. Sacrifice is totally giving up something considered important to you for something considered to be more important to someone else. So let’s say your husband's company is treating all their employees to a Yankees game for the same night that you were supposed to have a very much needed girl’s night out. Since he was supposed to watch the kids and you are unable to get a reliable babysitter you sadly call your girlfriends and tell them to have a great time without you. That, my friends is called sacrifice!

In marriage there are daily compromises and sacrifices that we all make to keep the peace, some big and some small. I believe that both are necessary in a successful marriage. However, too much sacrifice can lead to a feeling of loss of self and in some cases resentment. In order to avoid that we should make sure that both partners are sacrificing equally because that’s when sacrifice turns into compromise.

Here are some ways to compromise with your spouse:

1. Listen to their point of view. (r.e.a.l.l.y listen)

2. Recognize and respect each others value. (so important)

3. Admit you were wrong and give in graciously. (sometimes it's okay to give in out of love for your spouse)

4. Agree to disagree. (sometimes a compromise can't be reached)

5. Have a real discussion and negotiate a compromise. (note: a real discussion does not mean a heated argument)

A successful marriage is a constant work in progress. Even after many years of marriage I am still learning how to make necessary compromises and sacrifices without totally abandoning what is important to me. It helps that I have a husband who understands that our marriage is a give and take.

I Heart My Hubby.....Unconditionally!

Today is Valentine’s Day and as I mentioned in a previous post I LOVE this holiday! I know that people say that everyday should be Valentine’s Day but let’s be realistic……it isn’t! Sometimes the everyday routines of life can get in the way of showing the ones you love just how much they mean to you. My hubby and I usually plan monthly date nights but during the months of January and February he works a lot of late nights and on some weekends. During this busy time we only catch quick kisses in the early morning as we rush off to work and update each other about our day through emails and quick conversations as we doze off at night. This has been the procedure every year around this time for almost as long as we have been together so we are used to it. Although this isn’t an easy time for either one of us we make it work because we understand that the responsibilities of life can sometimes get in the way of romance.

However, Valentine’s Day falls right in the middle of this chaotic time and every year no matter how busy we are we make sure we plan a few hours just for ourselves. This year since Valentine’s Day is on a Monday we planned to celebrate on Sunday when we will both be home. Our 14-year old daughter decided to plan a romantic evening for us. (l.o.v.e that girl!) She decorated the house with rose petals and candles and cooked a delicious 5-course meal, which she served with a beautiful smile. Over dinner and wine my hubby and I talked, laughed and spent some much needed quality time. One thing that keeps our marriage unbreakable is that we both know that it is not about the amount of time we spend with each other, it’s about how we spend the time we have. We know that life can sometimes be hectic and chaotic but one thing that remains strong and steadfast is the foundation that we have built our marriage on! Isn’t it great that there is a day reserved just for celebrating that?

So today I want to tell my hubby that I love him unconditionally and thank him for always loving me unconditionally!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Nikki