Wordless Wednesday

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Love these girls!!
I Love Me, Unconditionally

Re-evaluating Family Relationships

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Family *sigh* 
These relationships need to be given check-ups very often in order to keep them off of life support. Communication is the best way to keep these relationships healthy. I have found that when we don't communicate with family too many things are left unsaid...and that my friends....almost always leads to assumptions.

If you are fortunate enough to be part of a supportive close-knit family where there is communication, respect and an abundance of unconditional love then that is wonderful! I admire those kinds of healthy family relationships!

However, if you have reflected on the relationships in your family and you can name a few people that have caused you hurt or just continue to suck the joy out of your life....then this is unhealthy!  Usually, when there is a conflict within a family it is because someone doesn't agree with a choice the other person made, there is hidden jealousy or resentment or both parties are waiting for the other person to admit and apologize for something they did.

So how can we fix these relationships?

Communicate, communicate, communicate- IF the relationship is important to you then you need to be the bigger person and open up the lines of communication. If you do that and the person doesn't return the effort then at least you tried.

Respect- You may not agree with the decisions they made in their lives but you have to respect them because well .....it is their life. In other words...agree to disagree and live your life not theirs!

Let it Go- I must admit this is a tough one for me. But it order for us to move on in life we need to let go of some of the baggage. So if you can't communicate and you can't get the respect you think you deserve from them then have a little talk with yourself and decide once and for all to let it go! 

I am no expert but one thing I do know for sure is most of us really want to be close to our families. However, I believe that certain behaviors should not be accepted from anyone...not even family.  Many of us tolerate these behaviors from family members out of a sense of loyalty, obligation and guilt.  We need to ask ourselves is the type of family relationship that we really want? If not, is it worth trying to fix?

Lastly, we all have to come to the realization that not all families are perfect! I read once the difference between relatives and family and I never forgot it.

  • Family are those people we have a true bond with by choice not circumstance. We can't wait to spend time with simply because we choose to.
  •  Relatives are those people we are connected to by blood or law and associate with them simply because we have to.


Relationship Check-Up- Colleagues

Thursday, May 3, 2012

From work relationships to marriages sometimes it is necessary to give our relationships a "check-up" to see how healthy they really are. In all relationships we want to make sure that the parties involved are getting everything they need out of it. Sometimes we are in relationships that start off very healthy but for some reason they begin to slowly deteriorate without us even realizing it. These relationships might need a check-up to see if they can be brought back to life or maybe we just need to "pull the plug" on them.

A true sign of a healthy relationship is when it brings  more happiness than stress in your life. Every relationship that we are in will require some work on all ends in order to keep it healthy and thriving...but it shouldn't cause us stress. Constant stress in a relationship is a good sign that it is time to re-evaluate it. quickly. The next few posts will focus on some of the relationships in our lives and ways we can try to keep them healthy.

Work relationships
These are always tricky. For the most part work relationships are just temporary situations, you may feel a connection with your colleague during the time you are working together but as soon as the jobs ends..... so does the connection.  However, there are times when these relationships do morph into real friendships and that's fine too!  The way I check to make sure my work relationships stay healthy is to recognize the difference between my friends and my colleagues. Doing this has allowed me to have meaningful and respectful relationships with colleagues and also make a few really good friends. Because let's be real ladies...not every colleague was meant to be a friend and when we make the mistake of trying to turn a relationship that was meant to stay at work into a bona fide friendship it can lead to a stressful situation in both your work and personal life. 

So here are three simple check-up questions to ask yourself to make sure your work relationships are healthy.

1. If we no longer worked together would we still be friends?

2. Do I have much more in common with this person then the fact that we choose the same careers?

3. Can I share personal things with this person and still feel comfortable working with them on a daily basis?

If you answered "yes" to these 3 questions then you may have a real friendship. This means you feel comfortable discussing more than just work with this person and that the feeling is mutual.  It also means that at your next Girl's Night Out when you might have had one too many and did that thing that might be frowned upon by your colleagues... you are confident that it will not be the next topic of discussion at the water cooler Monday morning. 

If you answered "no" to these 3 questions then maybe you should keep that work relationship friendly yet professional. Enjoy daily casual and professional conversation that is respectful, comfortable  and not too deep. Of course you can still go out for after work cocktails in my opinion that's always acceptable but just know when to say "when" and keep the tequila shots to your next Girl's Night Out! 

*Next Post*- Relationship Check-up- Family Members