Wordless Wednesday

Love these girls!!
I Love Me, Unconditionally

Re-evaluating Family Relationships

Family *sigh* 
These relationships need to be given check-ups very often in order to keep them off of life support. Communication is the best way to keep these relationships healthy. I have found that when we don't communicate with family too many things are left unsaid...and that my friends....almost always leads to assumptions.

If you are fortunate enough to be part of a supportive close-knit family where there is communication, respect and an abundance of unconditional love then that is wonderful! I admire those kinds of healthy family relationships!

However, if you have reflected on the relationships in your family and you can name a few people that have caused you hurt or just continue to suck the joy out of your life....then this is unhealthy!  Usually, when there is a conflict within a family it is because someone doesn't agree with a choice the other person made, there is hidden jealousy or resentment or both parties are waiting for the other person to admit and apologize for something they did.

So how can we fix these relationships?

Communicate, communicate, communicate- IF the relationship is important to you then you need to be the bigger person and open up the lines of communication. If you do that and the person doesn't return the effort then at least you tried.

Respect- You may not agree with the decisions they made in their lives but you have to respect them because well .....it is their life. In other words...agree to disagree and live your life not theirs!

Let it Go- I must admit this is a tough one for me. But it order for us to move on in life we need to let go of some of the baggage. So if you can't communicate and you can't get the respect you think you deserve from them then have a little talk with yourself and decide once and for all to let it go! 

I am no expert but one thing I do know for sure is most of us really want to be close to our families. However, I believe that certain behaviors should not be accepted from anyone...not even family.  Many of us tolerate these behaviors from family members out of a sense of loyalty, obligation and guilt.  We need to ask ourselves is the type of family relationship that we really want? If not, is it worth trying to fix?

Lastly, we all have to come to the realization that not all families are perfect! I read once the difference between relatives and family and I never forgot it.

• Family are those people we have a true bond with by choice not circumstance. We can't wait to spend time with simply because we choose to.

•  Relatives are those people we are connected to by blood or law and associate with them simply because we have to.

 

Relationship Check-Up- Colleagues

From work relationships to marriages sometimes it is necessary to give our relationships a "check-up" to see how healthy they really are. In all relationships we want to make sure that the parties involved are getting everything they need out of it. Sometimes we are in relationships that start off very healthy but for some reason they begin to slowly deteriorate without us even realizing it. These relationships might need a check-up to see if they can be brought back to life or maybe we just need to "pull the plug" on them.

A true sign of a healthy relationship is when it brings  more happiness than stress in your life. Every relationship that we are in will require some work on all ends in order to keep it healthy and thriving...but it shouldn't cause us stress. Constant stress in a relationship is a good sign that it is time to re-evaluate it. quickly. The next few posts will focus on some of the relationships in our lives and ways we can try to keep them healthy.

Work relationships

These are always tricky. For the most part work relationships are just temporary situations, you may feel a connection with your colleague during the time you are working together but as soon as the jobs ends..... so does the connection.  However, there are times when these relationships do morph into real friendships and that's fine too!  The way I check to make sure my work relationships stay healthy is to recognize the difference between my friends and my colleagues. Doing this has allowed me to have meaningful and respectful relationships with colleagues and also make a few really good friends. Because let's be real ladies...not every colleague was meant to be a friend and when we make the mistake of trying to turn a relationship that was meant to stay at work into a bona fide friendship it can lead to a stressful situation in both your work and personal life. 

So here are three simple check-up questions to ask yourself to make sure your work relationships are healthy.

1. If we no longer worked together would we still be friends?

2. Do I have much more in common with this person then the fact that we choose the same careers?

3. Can I share personal things with this person and still feel comfortable working with them on a daily basis?

If you answered "yes" to these 3 questions then you may have a real friendship. This means you feel comfortable discussing more than just work with this person and that the feeling is mutual.  It also means that at your next Girl's Night Out when you might have had one too many and did that thing that might be frowned upon by your colleagues... you are confident that it will not be the next topic of discussion at the water cooler Monday morning. 

If you answered "no" to these 3 questions then maybe you should keep that work relationship friendly yet professional. Enjoy daily casual and professional conversation that is respectful, comfortable  and not too deep. Of course you can still go out for after work cocktails in my opinion that's always acceptable but just know when to say "when" and keep the tequila shots to your next Girl's Night Out! 

*Next Post*- Relationship Check-up- Family Members

What's in your bag?

 

We are all guilty of being a bag lady at some time is our lives. I am not talking about carrying actual baggage but emotional baggage. Every single one of us carry different emotions in our bags sometimes without even knowing it.  If we could open up our proverbial bags we would find that regret, anger, disappointment, hurt and shame have been stored in all the compartments. 

The scary thing about these bags is that most of us don't even know that we are carrying them until it's too late and we have traveled with them from relationship to relationship. Emotional baggage stops us from progressing or moving on to the next step in many different aspects of our lives. For example, if you have been hurt in a relationship it's more likely that when you enter into a new relationship you still have that hurt somewhere hidden in your bag and it can subconsciously sabotage that new relationship before it even had a chance to grow. Think about all the good relationships that just never had the chance to become great because of the baggage that was brought into it from past relationships. What a shame.

I know this woman...let's call her "Mikki" who many years ago almost missed out on the love of her life because her bag was filled with disappointment. So instead of waiting for the fabulous guy she just started dating to disappoint her she decided that she would not get serious....you know not fall in love under any circumstances. Fortunately for her Mr. Fabulous helped her to slowly empty her bag of disappointment by proving to her that she can trust not only him but her own ability to let go of the past.....and 17 years later that compartment of her bag is still empty.

So ladies....what's in your bag? What are you holding on that is stopping you from being happy or just progressing in your life? Do you have regret in there? You know...the shouldas, wouldas, couldas. Is anger and/or shame hidden deep in there? Maybe you have not been able to forgive someone or yourself for something that happened in your past. Whatever is in your bag...let it go. I know it's easier said than done but we have to realize that holding on to all these past emotions become heavy burdens and make us miss out in all the wonderfully fabulous things that life has to offer us.

So ladies I will leave you with a few verses from one of my favorite  Erykah Badu songs Bag Lady!

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way............so pack light!

 

 

Dove Clear Tone Deodorant-Giveaway Announced!

Congratulations Meredith M. your on your way of becoming de-funk-defied!

Look out for my email!

Winner chosen randomly by RANDOM.ORG

True Random Number Generator  Result: 4

 

Dove Clear Tone Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant - Giveaway!

By now you might have guessed that I LOVE Dove® products. So when I got the opportunity to sample the New Dove® Clear Tone Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant I was so excited! Especially since Dove Clear Tone Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant is the first and only U.S. deodorant designed to reduce red and dark marks and even skin tone thanks to Calendula, Sunflower Seed Extracts and unique Dove® moisturizers that help accelerate the natural skin renewal process. 

Be honest....how many of us take the time to moisturize under our arms? It is one of the most neglected areas of skin on our body. Yeah, we may shave and put on deodorant every day but how often do we take the time to do anything to reverse the effects that shaving and dryness may cause.

Not only does Dove® Clear Tone Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant restore skin to its natural tone, it also provides the same benefits women expect from all Dove® Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant products, including: 

·         24-hour odor & wetness protection

·         Care for delicate underarm skin with Dove® ¼ moisturizers™

·         Alleviate the formation of white marks on clothing

·         Dermatologist-tested

With summer right around the corner don't we all want clear and even toned underarms as well as light scented 24-hour odor & wetness protection? I know I do!

Dove® Clear Tone is available on shelves this month in the following formulas:

Skin Renew Invisible Solid – Light floral notes of violet, lilac and rose with vanilla musk
Sheer Touch Invisible Solid – Light citrus notes with hints of almond and coconut milk
Clinical Protection Renew – Offers prescription strength wetness protection with the maximum level of active ingredients (20%) available without a prescription.  

So to get you ready for summer I will be giving one lucky reader the opportunity to try the new Dove Clear Tone Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant yourself!

Entering is easy all you have to do is leave a comment telling why you want to try out these new deodorants and your one step closer to taking better care of your underarms! 

I’ll randomly select and notify a winner at the end of the day on Wednesday, April 18th. You must be 18 years of age to enter and a resident of the US.

Visit www.dove.com for more info.

Disclaimer:  I received this product to review.  However, all opinions are solely and 100% my own.

Have you got a minute?

How many of you have a daily to-do list? I am sure we all do. Whether it's electronic, on paper or in our heads we know what needs to be done every minute of the day and usually try to get it all done in those 24 hours. But if you are anything like me "uninterrupted free time" for yourself is usually no where to be found on that list. This free time consists of those rare and precious moments where we choose to do the things that we enjoy for ourselves without any constant interruptions! How many of us are guilty of postponing our free time until everyone else around us is well-taken care of? (raises hand) The trouble with that plan is that usually by the time we take care of everyone else we are too exhausted to do anything for ourselves.

Recently when my daughter asked us to take her and her friend to the car show...I decided to opt out of this trip and stay home...alone. As much as I loathe love walking around for hours looking at fancy over priced cars, I grabbed this rare opportunity to have some free time. As soon as I heard the car pull out of the driveway I asked myself what was it that I really wanted to do. Of course, I had to fight off the urge to tackle the load of laundry that needed to be folded.

Then it hit me. Watch a movie. That was what I wanted to do. Watch a movie uninterrupted. I was so excited.

You see I like to watch different types of movies than my family. I love foreign movies...(yes with subtitles and all), B-rated movies (the ones that go straight to DVD) and Lifetime Movies (all of them). Usually, when I watch these movies I have to hear all the comments about my choice of corny and predictable movies...so I decided that for my free time I would watch the movies that I like and that is exactly what I did. And I didn't just watch 1 movie....I watched 4!! And it was blissfully wonderful! When my family came home I felt very satisfied with the use of my free time and was ready to hear all about the car show.

Now these opportunities of leisure time do not always fall into our laps most times we have to create them. Decide what it is that you want to do for yourself and then put YOU on your daily agenda. Your idea of free time may not be a movie marathon it might be taking a nap, reading a magazine, getting a massage, taking a walk or just being alone with your own thoughts for a few minutes. Whatever it is... we need to learn to put off or delegate some of our daily responsibilities for a few minutes a day. Let's face it most of our to-do-lists are overwhelming and unrealistic anyway. As much as we hate to admit it we can't always do it all without burning ourselves out. We need to prioritize and schedule in even a few minutes of downtime for ourselves daily.

So I will ask you again...have you got a minute...for you?