It's not what you call me, but what I answer to!

Recently someone “jokingly” (at least I hope it was a joke) called me spoiled. ME spoiled? I have been called many things but spoiled was never one of them. So then I began to think about what it really means to be spoiled? Is that who people see when they look at me? In my opinion when someone is spoiled it means that they believe they are entitled to things without earning them or they have an over abundance of luxuries that they really don’t deserve. Okay, so I KNOW that is not me! Because when I think about all the things I have went without in my life in order to get where I am today, it is absurd that anyone could ever think that I am spoiled. Every luxury AND necessity that I possess my husband and I have worked and sacrificed for and we are STILL working and sacrificing in order to keep them.

However, if you define spoiled as being blessed with the good things life has to offer like the BEST husband in the world, two amazing daughters, health and happiness! Then you may be right! Only God knows my whole story of how I got where I am today. Only He knows about the struggles, the late night prayers and tears. I can truly say that I am blessed because God continues to supply all my needs. As I am writing I am overwhelmed with joy because I am so grateful that God loves me unconditionally and even though I may not be perfect He still sees fit to bless me. So………..

Do I like nice things? Heck yeah!
Do I believe that I am entitled to nice things? Yeah, sometimes!
Do I work hard for nice things? Heck to the yeah!
Do I deserve nice things? You better believe it!

But please don’t call me spoiled. Call me blessed and highly favored by God!

Weekend Inspiration!

Here is a quote that I hope will keep you inspired this weekend! I know it inspired me!

“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:
This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”

~ Stacey Charter

Do something fabulous for yourself this weekend and be an inspiration to others!

Unconditionally yours,

Nikki

Never Too Old For a BFF!

“Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be a true friend with anyone else in the world.”

I have had many friendships in my life, some like a good wine have matured over time and others I realize now were just for a season. When I was younger having a BFF was almost a necessity, I mean whom else could I talk to about that boy I was crushing on or call to find out what they were wearing to school the next day so we could dress alike (yes, I was a little corny when I was a tween). However, as an adult having a best friend became less of a priority and after a series of unhealthy and in some cases toxic “friendships” I convinced myself that I could have many friends but I did not need or want a so-called best friend.

So I became my own BFF. In order to do this I had to be brutally honest with myself just like a real best friend would. This meant being straightforward and telling myself the truth about things that I really didn’t want to admit. It meant laughing at myself and having a good cry when necessary. Most importantly it meant forgiving myself while understanding that I am not perfect.

Learning how to be a friend to myself taught me how to appreciate a real friend and helped me to begin a fabulous friendship with one of the most amazing women I know. Our friendship has become a healthy necessity for us both. We have become each other’s therapists! Even with our very busy lives we make sure that we have time for each other. This can be a phone call or a girl’s night out where we can vent or laugh about anything we want with no interruptions from the kids or our hubbies. One thing that makes our friendship special is that we both know what it means to be an unconditional friend. We know when to listen, when to offer advice and when to just pour another glass of wine and be silent. That is the beauty of our friendship. NO EXPLANATIONS NEEDED! I love it!

So in my opinion you are never too old to have a BFF once you know what it means to be your own best friend first and you have an unconditional friendship like I do!

41 and Fabulous!

When I turned 40 I embraced this new decade in my life. I even threw myself a Fabulous at 40 cocktail party and celebrated the night away! I mean 40 is the new 20, right? That was last year. Now I am 41 and every now and then I say to myself…WOW, I AM 41! When did this happen? It seemed like just the other day I was in my 20’s and now my oldest daughter will be 21 in March. Seriously, where did the time go?

Although there are a few things that I miss about being younger (like a faster metabolism) I am enjoying this time of my life much more. I am more confident, focused and sexier (yeah, I said it!) than I ever was in my 20’s! There are some things that just get better with age. Every hardship and lesson learned in my youth has made me the woman that I am today. Every consequence to the good and not so good decisions I made lead me to this place and so I regret nothing! I truly have been blessed and will continue to embrace each fabulous year of this decade and all the other decades God allows me to celebrate! So is 41 really fabulous? Heck Yeah!

Weekend Inspiration!

Hello Ladies,

Here is a quote to keep you inspired this weekend!

"A woman is the full circle.
Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform."

~ Diane Mariechild ~

Have a great weekend and do something fabulous for yourself....you deserve it!

Nikki

We are women. Phenomenally!

Hello Ladies!

One reason that I decided to start this blog was for women to celebrate who they are and inspire each other. I believe that we are all phenomenal in our own way. Therefore, once in awhile I would like to feature one woman that I admire and I know will be an inspiration to others.

Alicia is a NYC mommy, blogger, and full time graduate student at Columbia University. Her life is filled with all things pink, except for a little bit of blue — her rambunctious 3-year-old son. Together they make a great pair and Alicia blogs about her trials and triumphs of being a young, single mother at Mommy Delicious. You can also find her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter.

Alicia is a Phenomenal Woman! You can visit Mommy Delicious to read more about this amazing young mother. She is living proof that perseverance pays off!

Nil Sine Magno Labore

“Nil sine magno labore” which is latin for “nothing without great effort” has become my life’s motto! Everything that I have accomplished in my life has been a result of my perseverance and determination. Recently I asked my first grade class to write their New Year’s Resolution. One of my students wrote, “My New Year’s Resolution is to never give up because giving up only makes you fail and get angry at yourself". Wow! This from a 6 year old! If only we could bottle this attitude and use it for when we need a reminder of how capable we are of accomplishing anything we want!

Now what does "great effort" really mean? Well, it means that it isn’t always easy to reach our goals. It may require sacrificing time, money or comfort. Sometimes when we think about the amount of sacrificing it takes to achieve our goals we instantly get discouraged and come up with all sorts of reasons why we can’t do it! I am guilty of doing this myself. For years I delayed going back to school but I knew it would be a really big sacrifice of my time! AND IT WAS! But I never gave up and after two years of sacrificing my evenings, weekends and sleep! I finally accomplished my goal of earning my Masters degree and I am so glad that I did!

Losing weight was also something that I put off for years. I used every excuse in the book. Not enough time in the day, I hate working out, I’ll start next month! I always knew that losing weight would require me to spend some real time exercising something that I hated doing. But I was determined! So I joined to gym and started working out with my trainer. But after the first few weeks of sacrificing food, time and comfort. I started to get that feeling of discouragement because I wanted to see instant change and it was taking too long. That is when I started remembering my favorite motto “nil sine magno labore” and believing that I will see change if I just keep working at it and I am so glad I did!

I have so many more goals I want to accomplish, as I know we all do! I hope that the attitude of my student can inspire us all to never give up on our goals whatever they may be because perseverance really does pay off!

Weekend Inspiration!

Here is a quote to keep you inspired this weekend!

“Those who are not looking for happiness are the most likely to find it, because those who are searching forget that the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others.”

- Martin Luther King Jr.

Have a fabulous weekend! Inspire yourself and others!

Nikki

What Is That One Small Thing That Makes You Happy?

Sometimes it’s the little things, the everyday moments that can make us happy! What is that one small thing that makes you happy?

For me it is when I am driving to work and one of my favorite old songs comes on the radio. It could be any New Edition song (I used to love Ralph Tresvant) or maybe something from Teena Marie (I know all the words to Square Biz, really I do!)  Singing my heart out in the car all by myself might make me look crazy to the people driving by but it puts me in a positive mood and gets me ready to start my day with a smile!

What is the one small thing that makes you happy?

The Reason for Reinvention

In the Keri Hilson video for Every Woman Has a Breaking Point she gets a new short hairstyle as a symbol of freedom after her break up. It seems that many women cut their hair when they go through a major change in their life. It is a sign of reinvention…a new you! I guess I am no different because right before Christmas I too got a new short cut!

Why is it that we always feel the need to reinvent ourselves? This summer I was obsessed with having longer hair before my trip to Hawaii and then sometime around Thanksgiving I was longing for the short cut I have now. But it is not just our hair, it can be our weight, or even changing our wardrobe. I used to feel that if I changed my outer appearance something miraculous would happen and I would feel this change on the inside too. But this only works temporarily.

 How many times have you walked out of the hairdresser with your new look and felt like a new woman? How about when you put on that new outfit and you instantly gain a sense of confidence that you never had before. All of these things are great and fun! But what is your reason for reinvention? When the haircut grows back, you regain a few pounds or the new wardrobe becomes outdated do you think it is time for another reinvention? This cannot only get expensive but mentally exhausting.  So this time I made sure that my outward reinvention became a reflection on how I felt inside. I made sure not to make any outward changes until I loved the way I felt on the inside. Before I made any changes I made sure that I felt that my confidence shone from within. So go ahead and reinvent yourself but always remember your reason for reinvention.

Mai Tai in Hawaii

Christmas 2010

The Measures of Success

When I started losing weight I began a love/hate relationship with my bathroom scale. I would weigh myself in the morning and when it showed I had lost weight I loved it! When it showed I gained even an ounce I hated it! I was convinced that weighing myself everyday was what kept me on top of my eating habits. For example, if I knew I was going to a cookout that day I knew to watch my potato salad intake because my scale will be waiting to punish me in the morning.

This love affair was going good for a while and then it happened! One morning I stepped on the scale and nothing. It just stopped working. No warning, no goodbyes. Just nothing. I was at a loss and felt a sense of betrayal. How would I know how much I could eat today? Did I have to run on the treadmill or could I get away with just a brisk walk?

So after trying every battery in the house and coming to the conclusion that the scale still wasn’t going to work, I realized that I had given too much power to this inanimate object. I had become dependent on numbers and waited for it to validate me by praising me for a job well done. So I made a conscientious decision not to let the scale determine my level of success. Only I know how hard I work at the gym. I know how many times I have said no thank you to that second helping of baked ziti, how many pants sizes I dropped and how good I felt both physically and emotionally! A scale can never measure my level of determination, self-worth and self-esteem.

Now don’t get me wrong, I did get another scale but now we have a different relationship because now I have a LOVE/LOVE relationship with ME!

Let Your Hair Down!

It is funny that the older I get the more fun I want to have. Maybe it is because I had the responsibility of being a mother at a young age and was afraid to be silly for fear of what people might think about me.  Now that I have a healthy disregard about what people think from time to time when the feeling hits me I get as silly as I want to! Sometimes when I feel myself thinking about something that may get me down I just break out in dance right in front of the television even when the rest of the family is watching it. Just for fun! My daughter usually looks at me like I am insane but it makes her laugh which makes me laugh. We can get so bogged down with the responsibilities of everyday life that we forget that it is okay to be silly once in awhile and just have plain ole fun!

When I was in grad school my weekend consisted of doing research and writing papers. So when I completed my Masters last year I made a promise to myself that I would start enjoying my weekends by doing something other than household chores, lesson plans and preparing for the work week ahead.  I work hard and I should play hard, right?  So whether it be movie night with the family, hanging out with friends, or date night with my husband I intend to make my weekends fun! This past weekend I played Rap Star and Just Dance 2 with my family and our good friends! I learned that I can rap like Lil’ Kim and can still shake it like a Polaroid picture! I had a blast! Why not? Don’t we deserve to have fun and laugh at ourselves every now and then! I know I do and will continue to let my hair down!

Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself......

I am Nicole the third daughter of five, a middle child...(yes I had the middle child syndrome).  I am Worley- the nickname my loving and incredibly supportive husband has given me. (It's a long story but it has something to do with my maiden name) I am Mommy to two beautiful daughters who keep me young and on my toes! I am Nikki-the friend of a chosen few. I am teacher to all the little ones who enter my classroom door each year. All of these titles combined is what makes me who I am but in order for me to be the best I can be in all of these roles I had to go back to just being Nicole and learn how to love myself unconditionally!

Let me explain....
At some time or other I let each one of these roles define me. They controlled my level of happiness and how content I was about my life. Now don't get me wrong each one of these roles play a major role in my life and I would not have the wonderful life that I have now without them. However, I didn't always love myself no matter what. In order to do that I had to just be Nicole again. The Nicole that didn't have all these other roles and titles...the Nicole who only had herself to care for. Before the kids, the husband, the degrees, the house in the suburbs and the career.

This past summer I was determined to get to know her again.  So I made a little deal with myself; I would join the gym and get in shape and as I drive to the gym each day I would think about all the things that worried, depressed or burdened me. However, I promised myself that as soon as I walked through the gym doors I would not think about anything else except ME and leave all those stresses behind. At first it wasn't easy because as ran on the treadmill my mind kept going back to the last conversation I had with my daughter or what I was going to cook for dinner or if the all this hard work with my trainer was worth it all.

But eventually it worked. And with the help of Mary, Sasha Fierce and some of the many of gospel songs on my playlist I was able to tune out the world for two hours a day, six days a week, focus on ME and lose 40 pounds! This began the amazing rediscovery of me and learning to love myself from the inside out! I am still a work in progress but I am so excited about the rest of the journey!